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Elfar
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PostSubject: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:06 pm

I saw Coaster's fan fiction, and decided to try my own.

Prologue

I stood there, unable to move. I couldn't believe it. I saw the Pokemon, or rather the thing, getting ready to attack. I knew what would happen if that attack landed. The Flygon would...I was unable to finish the thought. The only way to save it would be to fight the creature. I couldn't do that. At last, I made my choice.
_____________________________________

Chapter 1

I woke up on my own, surprisingly, this morning. It was unusual, however, I barely had slept the night before. I was so ecstatic! I would finally get a Pokemon today! I was curious as to what Pokemon I would select. I got dressed quickly.

"Get up, Elfar!" My mother yelled. When I came downstairs, already dressed, she was evidently surprised.

"Wow, you must have gotten up early," she said.

"Heh, you know what today is," I replied.

"You have to eat your breakfast first," she said, with an almost forceful tone.
Without even wasting anytime to complain, I threw the food down my throat with frighting speed.

"I'm going to go now," I said as quickly as possible, running out as I said it. It was an amazing day out. The sun's sparkle reflected stunningly off the grass. Just enough clouds for it to be great, but not to few. I spent little time paying attention to this though, despite my accurate description. I ran down the street. I made it to Professor Evergreen's lab. I stopped there, as the door slowly opened in front of me.


Last edited by Elfar on Wed Apr 28, 2010 11:02 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:46 pm

I love the eloquence of your writing, it reminds me clearly of Martin Luther King. Your words, such a heaven to read, I can invision everything so clearly, you are obviously skilled at writing. Maybe you should consider this as a job?


Your words are very inspirational, and how you hand craft them is almost as similar as a rocket; nothing goes wrong, yet as gentle as a mother's caress to a baby.


You are an inspiration. You are raw talent.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Wed Apr 28, 2010 7:47 pm

Pretty good, but it could've been longer. Too short to come up with a critical review over it. Though try to avoid using the word "IT" there are so many better ways that you could come up with a sentence with out using "IT". I'm not saying I don't like it I'm just giving you some words of advice. I'm ready for the next chapter! Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:58 pm

Chapter 2

As the door slowly creaked open, it seemed like an eternity before the person that opened the door, or, rather, the figure, that I couldn't yet see, appeared in the gleaming doorway. There stood Professor Evergreen. I know I built this up to be very dramatic, even though it doesn't appear to be, but, you have to understand, it was a gigantic deal to me. Evergreen was an idol to me.

"You just caught me before I was about to leave," he said, smiling.

"I thought you knew I was coming today," I replied. He seemed hesitant for a moment before speaking.

"I know you expect to pick up a Pokemon today, but...I have some matters to attend to. It's a shame, as we now have 12 Pokemon for you to start with," he said as his smile distantly faded.

"Why can't you give me a Pokemon before you go?" I inquired.

"Please come back tomorrow. Actually, wait until either myself, or one of the lab assistants contact you," he forced out, slamming the door in my face as he said it. I was slightly stunned by this, but recovered quickly. I had waited for this day for so long, and I wanted a Pokemon! I briskly walked over to the window. Closed.

"We'll have to do something about that," I said to myself. I took a small, pointed piece of glass, that I found in the trash. I cut the bottom of the seal of the window. With great difficulty, I forced the window open, as quietly as possible. I slid through it. Creeping along the floor, I found a bookshelf to hide behind. I began to hear voices.

"We have to do something," cried someone, who must have been a lab assistant.

"I've already contacted the police," said a voice that I recognized as Evergreen's.

"I realize this, but they can't do much. The thief already made off towards the forest," came the reply from the assistant. Thief...this piqued my curiosity.

"We can't just let all 12 of these Pokemon get stolen!" Evergreen almost shouted. I shuffled off at this comment, making enough noise, for them to notice me.

"Who's there," someone said in the distance, but I was already gone. They said that this person headed to the forest. I had to save those Pokemon. At this, I ran into the forest.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:17 am

good job! your attention to detail is excellent. you might want to combine the first two chapters tho so they become longer. Also, do you have this posted on fanficton.net? if so, give us the link!
P.S if you want to see good pokemon fanficton, im doing a topic where i post good pokemon fanfiction every tuesday and friday.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:33 am

Chapter 3

I ran into the forest, and, despite my worry, knew that I had to do this. It was evident that nobody else would bother to. I made my way into the forest. I saw all of these different Pokemon. Honestly, I was a bit intimidated by them. They seemed to leave me be for the most part though. When I was walking at one time, I thought that something was following me. I snapped around, and, thought I saw a ghost like creature. I thought it was just my imagination and shook it off.

Finally, at a certain part in the forest, I saw a cart. I ran forward, thinking that it was the thief's. It was. I saw the Poke balls. I knew it was the stolen ones from the labs, as they always put stickers on theirs. I tried to gather them, until I heard footsteps. I backed away from the cart.

"He he he...so somebody actually found me," came the ghastly voice. I whirled around. No...It was impossible. It was an executive of the Pokemon Thief group known notoriously as Team Turbulence. He was known as Percival.

"You have to give those Pokemon back," I said, my voice shaking.

"That's funny. Why don't you continue to humor me?" He said sternly. A Poke Ball rose from his hand. An Altaria came out.

"Finish this quickly Altaria, use Sky Attack," he said, distracted at this point. I thought I was done. If that attack had hit me...I couldn't bare it. Out of nowhere, a Gastly appeared, using Shadow Ball. It countered the attack well.

"Ah...something interesting it appears," Percival said.

"Gastly, use Shadow Ball," I commanded, as that was all I knew that he could use. Gastly knew exactly what to do. Percival hadn't started paying enough attention to notice this. Because of this, the attack actually landed. His Altaria got angry.

"Dragon Breath," he said absently. His Altaria attacked. I responded with another Shadow Ball. The two attacks hit each other and came into a huge blast of smoke.

"Excellent, just outstanding!" Percival exclaimed. "Use a Sky Attack, and put all of your force into it, this will end it. Use the smoke as a cover." We had fallen for his trap. It was over. This attack would finish us.

"Abra, use Psychic," a voice said coming out of nowhere. The attack hit the Altaria and got him to stop the attack.

"This just gets better, and better," Percival said, fully focused now. Thoughts about who this was raced through my head, as I knew that I would have to fight again, except this time with help.


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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:36 am

dragonmxz wrote:
good job! your attention to detail is excellent. you might want to combine the first two chapters tho so they become longer. Also, do you have this posted on fanficton.net? if so, give us the link!
P.S if you want to see good pokemon fanficton, im doing a topic where i post good pokemon fanfiction every tuesday and friday.

I realize that the first chapter was to short, but if I combined them it would be to long.

Anyway, I don't use fanfiction.net, do you recommend it? And it's good to see that other people are interested in mine.

I'll check yours out.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:55 am

ehhh, the fanficton isn't mine per say, ive helped one of them with writing it but its mainly a way to draw attention to all the good fanfics so that more people can enjoy them. if you want to find it its under pokemon disscussion. Now its way too late so its off to bed for me. Night! Sleep
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 5:26 am

dragonmxz wrote:
ehhh, the fanficton isn't mine per say, ive helped one of them with writing it but its mainly a way to draw attention to all the good fanfics so that more people can enjoy them. if you want to find it its under pokemon disscussion. Now its way too late so its off to bed for me. Night! Sleep
I used to be a beta on FanFic.

Anyhow Elfar the second chapter is great I love the cliff hanger at the end. I'd recommend you making the Chapters 1,000 Words + long.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:28 am

Chapter 4

I was very confused, and, at this point, didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that this strange person was helping me. We stood there, facing the now injured Altaria. If it hit our Pokemon even once, it would go down, yet it could take so many of our hits.

We stood awkwardly trying to figure out how to work as a team. Unfortunately for us, Percival had no intention of wasting time, and was prepared.

"Altaria, use Dragon Breath. Let's take care of that annoying Abra first," Percival said, beckoning in the direction of the Abra. Percival had made a mistake, and had already forgotten that I was there. I saw Abra countering Altaria's attack with another Psychic.

"Gastly, use Shadow Ball, and exert yourself as much as you possibly can. Hit the Altaria off of its course, so that the Psychic will hit it as well.

"Not Bad!" Percival exclaimed, realizing his mistake. His Altaria was struck, and, at that moment, even I thought it was down. I couldn't see past the attacks though. I was stunned when I saw the Altaria coming down at full speed as it struck the Abra. I hit Altaria with another Shadow Ball as it did this, and, despite the fact that I weakened the blow, I didn't stop it. I saw Abra fall.

"Looks like it's up to you," the strange person said, tending to his Abra's wound. Percival grinned, seeing that the battle was his now.

"Use Dragon Breath, put all of your force into it." His Altaria obeyed, and attacked. Gastly attacked back with a Shadow Ball. The two blast met. Altaria's was slowly edging toward Gastly, but there was nothing I could do. Slowly, the blast got closer and closer , until it hit Gastly with such a great force, that Gastly was blown back into the trees.

No. It was over. Gastly was unable to win, but I didn't blame it. I stood there, miserable at my defeat. I saw Percival gathering the Poke Balls. No more people would come now. I had failed. Suddenly, I saw Gastly slowly appear behind Altaria.

"That's it, Gastly, put all of your force into this last Shadow Ball!" I yelled. Gastly hit the Altaria with enough power for it to fall. Even though the Altaria didn't have enough power to fight, I hadn't knocked it unconscious. Without wasting time to get the stolen Pokemon, Percival jumped on the Altaria to fly away. I tried to chase after it, but a Dragon Breath stopped me.

"Just remember, that was only one of my Pokemon. Next time, I won't underestimate you, and I'll have more than one Pokemon," Percival said, his voice fading away as he made his escape. I ran forward to gather to Poke Balls

"I'm Teddy," the stranger said. I just realized that we hadn't introduced ourselves.

"I'm Elfar. Thanks for helping me back there," I replied anxiously. He seemed to notice my anxiety, and realized that we need that we needed to get back to return the Pokemon. We walked back through the forest, but I, at least, was brimming with confidence

When we got back into town, everyone was there to greet us. They had, apparently, been worried after I disappeared. Professor Evergreen had speculated that I was the one that they heard in the lab and had run off to find the Pokemon. They were pleasantly surprised when they noticed that I had saved the Pokemon. I did, however share the credit with Teddy.

"How about a battle?" Teddy asked, after we had all rested up. I froze, as I didn't even realize that the Gastly had become mine. It had followed me home to get rested. Just then, I saw an empty Poke Ball. The Gastly edged it toward me. I then caught the Gastly, and it was, officially mine.

"Alright," I finally replied. "A battle it is. Just don't except me to go down easily!" He smiled, as we all stood in the backyard of the lab, and everyone watched as the battle was about to begin.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 3:14 pm

Chapter 5

I stood there with a grin on my face. I had just resolved this huge problem, was now a town hero, now had a Pokemon of my very own, and I was preparing to do my first Pokemon battle for fun.

"Go Gastly," I said, letting him out of his newly inhabited Poke Ball. Teddy let his Abra out as well. I was nervous, as I had never learned Gastly's moves. Without hesitation, he commanded his Abra to use double team, no doubt to mess up my Gastly's precision.

"Elfar, use this Poke Dex to find out your Gastly's moves. It has a new feature that allows you to do this," Professor Evergreen said, tossing the Poke Dex to me with care. Gastly knew: Shadow Ball, Hypnosis, Nightmare, and Sucker Punch.

"Abra, use Psychic!" Teddy shouted. I knew that my Sucker Punch would out speed him. I hit him with it. "Use Double Team, again," Teddy commanded. Abra managed to. Abra then began attacking Gastly, and I couldn't tell where it was coming from!

"Think carefully about what you can do to see him without attacking in random spots!" Professor Evergreen shouted. That was it!

"Use Hypnosis, Gastly. Follow it off with a Nightmare, whether he gets hit or not," I said, sure that this would work. It did. His Abra tried to avoid falling asleep, but didn't realize that this would keep the Nightmare away. They were aimed so that I could see Abra's location rather than hitting him.

"Now use Shadow Ball in that direction, Gastly," I said, knowing that I had the win. My mistake was that I had forgotten that Teddy still had tricks up his sleeve.

"Use Teleport to get behind Gastly and end it while he's attacking." Teddy had this. No, not yet! There was one thing that I could do! Teddy had played his cards too early!

"Stop the Shadow Ball, and turn as fast as you can for a Sucker Punch," I shouted at the top of my lungs. It all happened so fast. I saw the Psychic collide with my Gastly just as the Sucker Punch hit, and both Pokemon fell.

"Wow, that was amazing!" Professor Evergreen began,"I haven't seen such a remarkable battle in a while."

"I need practice as good as this for what lies ahead," Teddy said, proud of the battle, even though it was a tie. "I'm sure the gym leaders will be a difficult challenge." Gym leaders...

"I've made my decision," I said. "I'm going to go fight these gym leaders, and collect every single badge that they hand out. After all, I can be the best there is. I'm going to leave tomorrow."

"If that's the case, then I suppose that today will just have to be an amazing parting day for you," Professor Evergreen said, walking forward. And let me tell you, it was an amazing day full of laughter and joy. But sometimes even the best of times need to be left behind, when something even bigger was awaiting me the next day.


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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:24 pm

Elfar wrote:
dragonmxz wrote:
good job! your attention to detail is excellent. you might want to combine the first two chapters tho so they become longer. Also, do you have this posted on fanficton.net? if so, give us the link!
P.S if you want to see good pokemon fanficton, im doing a topic where i post good pokemon fanfiction every tuesday and friday.

I realize that the first chapter was to short, but if I combined them it would be to long.

Anyway, I don't use fanfiction.net, do you recommend it? And it's good to see that other people are interested in mine.

I'll check yours out.

A fanfict is never too long!

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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:39 pm

Yeah, next 2 chapters were good, although i have no idea why you would tell your gastly to use shadowball when that just ruins the whole element of suprise thing. Good nontheless, by the way do you know somebody you call teddy as i notice you use your own online name in this fic.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:43 pm

dragonmxz wrote:
Yeah, next 2 chapters were good, although i have no idea why you would tell your gastly to use shadowball when that just ruins the whole element of suprise thing. Good nontheless, by the way do you know somebody you call teddy as i notice you use your own online name in this fic.

Haha, nope, I don't know anyone named Teddy, I got it from a story. Anyway, it was too late for them to do anything if I yelled to use shadow ball, either way.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:49 pm

Oh yes one other thing, until youve read Brave New World you can not say that something is too long. most of those chapters are over 40,000 words each ( although the story is pretty great).
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:08 am

Chapter 6

Today was the day. It was ironic, as I had thought that just the other day. This was a much bigger deal. I was leaving home! It had to happen. Better things were awaiting me. I had lain everything out the night before. I got dressed quickly, for fear of confrontation of everyone. I left a note and stepped outside.

It was relatively early in the morning. I can't say it was particularly dark out, but it wasn't entirely light either. The sun had just started to rise. The grass was damp, leaving me to assume it had rained the night before. I walked slowly down the porch. I remember that moment so vividly, as it was imprinted into my memory. I finally reached the end.

As I stepped into the street, I started to run. I had no idea where. The only town I knew of was a nearby city by the name of Sorsince. A dirt path lead partially through the forest. It stopped at a certain point, but this was done on purpose to throw off wild Pokemon. For humans, who were intelligent enough, they could clearly see the city, looming over them in the distance. I ran into the city as quickly as I could.

The town I lived in was very small, and I hadn't seen an urban area such as this one in many, many years. I was taken to this particular one when I was very young. This was why I had a vague recollection of it. From the streets, to the tall buildings, to the people, just starting to bustle in the streets, I could feel industry.

I saw a Poke Center and Poke Mart. I needed a map. My first instinct was to got to the Poke Center. I started to ask for directions, but no one could, or, rather, would help me. I then turned toward the Poke Mart.

"Excuse me, but do you have any maps of the region in stock?" I asked, finding an employee quickly.

"No, someone by the name of Teddy just came in and bought our last one," the worker replied absently. More irony...

"Of course," I muttered to myself. I walked outside. I scanned the area, although it was futile. I saw someone wearing the unmistakable uniform of Team Turbulence. They held a small Pokemon tightly in their hands, as they ran. I saw someone chasing them, yelling. I ran over to see what they were doing.

"Please help me," the man began, panting. "This thief stole my Turtwig." I saw the frustration in his eyes, and decided to help him out. I chased the thief, until I had him cornered. He looked at me with little concern. Good, this would be easy. He was underestimating me.

"Go, Starly," he began, by sending out his Starly. I let my Gastly out. He let out a command for his Starly to use Peck. It was a terrible mistake, as I used Sucker Punch to knock him back, then followed up with a Hypnosis that easily hit his Starly. I used Nightmare a couple of times before his Pokemon woke up. By this time his Starly had taken a plentiful amount of damage.

"Finish this with a Shadow Ball," I said. The Team Turbulence member attempted to use Wing Attack to counter this. I awaited his next attack. He used another Wing Attack. I finished this easily with a Sucker Punch. Reluctantly, the member gave back the Turtwig and ran off.

"You did great, Gastly, now take a rest," I said as I put Gastly back into the Poke Ball. I smiled at another victory. It was pretty extraordinary for a beginner.

"Th-Thank you so much," the man said, after he finished with his Turtwig. "I owe you a lot, and I wish I could give you something, but I can't."

"It's really no problem," I said, happy to be of assistance. "I just...I just wish that I could find a map."

"A map! How convenient! I just got an extra one, just in case, but I'd much rather give it to you." I graciously accepted as I walked off, on my way to Herrwood, the town of the First Gym Leader.


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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:40 am

Great chapter! I must agree with the others, your attention to detail is pretty enticing. I just found some typos that you can edit change you:
Elfar wrote:
"Of course," I muttered to myself. I walked outside. I scanned the are, although it was futile.
I think you meant "area" there?

Elfar wrote:
"You did great, Gastly, now take a rest I said," as I put Gastly back into the Poke Ball.
"You did great, Gastly, now take a rest," I said, ...

Just a few nitpicks I found. Can't wait for the next chapter!
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:00 pm

Coaster wrote:
Great chapter! I must agree with the others, your attention to detail is pretty enticing. I just found some typos that you can edit change you:
Elfar wrote:
"Of course," I muttered to myself. I walked outside. I scanned the are, although it was futile.
I think you meant "area" there?

Elfar wrote:
"You did great, Gastly, now take a rest I said," as I put Gastly back into the Poke Ball.
"You did great, Gastly, now take a rest," I said, ...

Just a few nitpicks I found. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I fixed them. I guess a couple of mistakes are the price for writing this at 1 in the morning Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Sat May 01, 2010 1:25 am

Chapter 7

There it was. I had a map of the region! This would be a piece of cake! I had marked where each of the gym leaders were on my map. Something had occurred to me though. It would be a bit difficult to take on the Gym Leaders with just one Pokemon. I mean, don't get me wrong, Gastly was amazing, but even he couldn't do it alone.

I didn't want to catch just any Pokemon. It had to happen naturally. This would prove that they would be special. I didn't know where to start though. I shrugged it off, when it happened, it would happen. I was waiting for one to approach me, but that got dull eventually.

I saw a Scyhter nearby, in the grass, attempting to find food. I started to approach it, but it glanced up at me, and then made off. It had one identifying feature about it, aboe all else. On its nose, there was a scar. A small one, but noticeable, nonetheless. I decided to continue on my way to Herrwood.

I glanced over to a small clearing in the brush. Through it, a cave was there. It was simply a natural feature, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was there. I ran over. I saw the now familiar uniform of Team Turbulence! Why were they always around me? I ran over. That was the same person that stole the Turtwig. I ran over to them.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in," I said sarcastically. He examined me cautiously. He stepped back a bit, but, for the most part, held his ground.

"Heh, you'll have to beat me to get in. This time, no underestimation on my part," he said, completely restored of confidence. I knew that something was going on. The person that stole a Turtwig was refusing to let me inside this cave.

I sent out my Gastly. He sent out his Starly. I stood there, waiting for his move. He used Wing Attack. My Gastly dodged it pretty easily. I respond with a Shadow Ball, which was dodged as well. Directly behind it came a Hypnosis which, with difficulty, he dodged. He tried to get another Wing Attack in, but I easily got a Sucker Punch on him. It was over for him already. I then got an easy Hypnosis on him. He surrendered shortly after this.

"Fine," he muttered, as he reluctantly stepped aside. I walked in. What I saw blew my mind. Inside here was a huge factory. Dozen of Miltanks, which I assume were stolen, were hooked up to machines that appeared to be injuring them. In their eyes, I saw the pain. They were being forced to reduce milk. I had to put a stop to this! Another member of Team Turbulence approached me.

"You clearly had a reason to bust in here," the member said, focusing outside the door, to where the defeated guard stood. Well then, you should have no problem handling another battle. Great, exactly what I needed. "Go Pidgey," the person shouted, raising a Poke Ball in their hand. Out of it emerged a Pidgey, obviously.

"Go Gastly," I said, releasing my Gastly to fight once again. As we began, the commotion made more members gather around. From a mere glance, I could easily tell that this person was more skilled than the one I had just battled.

"Pidgeotto, use Wing Attack, then lead into it with a peck," the member said. It looked as though their mouth had moved after that, but I pretended that it was just my imagination.

"Gastly, use Sucker Punch," I said, thinking that it was the most obvious move. I had made a mistake. The person predicted something like this, and, just to get assess my Gastly's moves, they must have commanded their Pidgeotto to wait for my attack. If they don't attack, Sucker Punch generally doesn't work. Both the Peck and Wing Attack hit my Gastly.

"Now then," she began,"use Gust. The Gust had also caught me off guard and knocked back my Gastly. Gastly was too tired for this fight, after just fighting the guard, and, also, fighting the Turtwig thief, who were, as mentioned earlier, the same person. My Gastly fell, trying as hard as it could to stay conscious.

"No!" I exclaimed, as the members began gathering around me. It appeared that the one I was fighting was an executive. She then stopped paying attention as the people grew closer. I put my Gastly back in its Poke Ball. They started trying to yank the Poke Ball out of my hand. They nearly overpowered me when, out of nowhere, that Scyther appeared. The same one, no doubt, as it had that familiar scar. It forced the others away. Now then, this was natural.

I needed to catch the Scyther. To my embarrassment, I didn't have anything to catch it with. I shrugged off the hands of the remaining grunts. One tried to throw a Poke Ball at Scyther, but Scyther swatted it off, conveniently in my direction. I grabbed it and threw it at Scyther, however, it didn't resist my attempt. I easily caught it. The executive, now paying attention again, got ready to battle.

I could tell that she was waiting for me, curious about this Scyther's ability. I quickly checked the Scyther's moves. It knew: Swords Dance, Air Slash, X-Scissor, and Quick Attack. This was my chance, as she was still unmoving. I went for a Swords Dance.

"Use Wing Attack," the executive said, now that I had already taken advantage of my opportunity. I quickly responded with an easy choice of moves.

"Use Quick Attack," I said. The blow not only landed, but also stopped the attack. This led to an easy X-Scissor, followed by another Quick Attack. Within a matter of minutes, her Pokemon was worn out.

"You're pretty amazing at this," she said grudgingly. "Just remember, you haven't heard the last of Executive Adrian." Her voice faded away as she said this. Shortly, the factory was deserted. I freed all the Pokemon, and left. I walked outside, and, as my brown, smooth hair swayed in the wind, finally arrived at Herrwood town, ready, with another Pokemon by my side.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Fri May 07, 2010 11:31 pm

I'm unsure of when my next chapter will be up. I know it's been a week, but, like for Coaster, the end of the school year has been busy for me. Luckily I've been finishing up all my work early, so I should be able to write sometime this week, I'll try over this weekend. Just keep waiting, as it will get up eventually.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Fri Jun 04, 2010 9:10 pm

Well, I just lost what I had been writing for the last hour, so I have to further postpone it...
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:31 am

I must say, your grammar is exquisite, especially for your age. I've seen successful college students with grammar way worse than yours. You do make typos here and there, but that's natural. There are also words in certain areas that aren't completely necessary, though that's not that big of a deal.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.~
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:00 am

Maki wrote:
I must say, your grammar is exquisite, especially for your age. I've seen successful college students with grammar way worse than yours. You do make typos here and there, but that's natural. There are also words in certain areas that aren't completely necessary, though that's not that big of a deal.

I'm looking forward to the next chapter.~

Heh, thanks. I like to consider my language, and ability to construct sentences one of my better qualities. I've been rather busy lately, and when I finally had time, I lost what I had written. I'll try to make some time for it in the next day or so.
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PostSubject: Re: Elfar's Fan Fiction   Mon Jun 14, 2010 11:05 pm

Chapter 8

I arrived in Herrwood as expected. I was actually cautious of any further encounters with Team Turbulence, after running into them so much recently, but it seemed that I had thoroughly driven them out as of recently. They would be, undoubtedly, seeking revenge. They cared to much about reputation and self pride, to allow themselves to be so quickly thrashed by such a novice trainer as myself. I hadn't been thinking that they would want to regroup, and that the ones that had taken a thrashing from me in a battle, would likely have no control of issuing an order just to get one person. I had actually been considering this quite a while, before quickly healing my Pokemon at a nearby Poke Center, and stocking up on supplies at the Mart, including Poke Balls, Food, etc. After all of these tasks were complete, I headed over to the gym.

When walking into the gym, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was like pure, undisturbed nature. It had the smell of the woods, and this completely refreshed my mind. I saw a man standing, leaning on a tree, and, assuming that he gave service there, briefly consulted him on what to do. He directed me further into the gym, advising me to sit on the bleachers until the previous challenger before me managed to finish his battle. After sitting for a short while, I saw the person that had helped me step up, as if he was the referee, the information center, and the announcer all on his own, which, actually, led me to wonder how much work he had to do.

"I now present the challenger, Teddy, facing off against Leader Chase," came the booming voice of the announcer. Firstly, I will answer the question on everyone's mind. Yes, it was the same Teddy that we all know. The leader, Chase, looked to be a young man of about 17 years old. He had blond hair, that hung over his eyes, and kept a smile on his face. His clothes were nearly as simple as the gym itself, as if they had been composed of pure nature. The battle was about to begin.

"Good luck," I heard Chase say, as he sent out his Carnivine. Teddy said nothing, as his abra came out. Teddy did nothing, as Chase began taking advantage of this by stockpiling. He headed directly towards Abra, and even Abra's Psychic couldn't phase the Carnivine. Teddy had made a mistake by allowing Carnivine to get this stockpile up. His Abra was then thrashed with a Power Whip.

"Abra, teleport away from him, and start using Double Team, so that he can't hit you," Teddy yelled, with a smirk on his face. Chase smiled, and attempted to find Abra. He directed his Carnivine over, but the Abra had already gotten to Double Team several times. Abra started slowly beating Carnivine down with Psychic, and, I actually thought Teddy had the match.

"Carnivine, use Sunny Day. Reflect the sun into his eyes, slowing him down. Catch him with the Vine Whip, and Power Whip him so that he's injured and can't get away," Chase said, still smiling. His Carnivine looked like it was about to run out of energy. What was he so happy about. His plan worked, but Abra still had much more energy them Carnivine. Then I saw it. The whole thing was a setup. Now that Abra was slowed from injury, it was over. "Finish this with Payback," he said. That was it. Abra fainted as it couldn't take anymore.

"Good job, Abra," Teddy said, as he withdrew it into its Poke Ball. Chase did the same to his Pokemon. Teddy only wanted to do a battle one on one, as he thought that was all he needed. I had decided to battle two on two...

And it looked like it was my turn.
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