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 Taking a break from fanfictions

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Gir

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PostSubject: Taking a break from fanfictions   Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:47 pm

So, after all the fanfictions going around over here(which, by the way, in the case of Coaster and Elfar are excellent) I decided to try something different...this is an idea a friend and me have been planning for a while to write. The idea itself was actually quite praised by both, the Spanish and Literature teachers at our school, but we didnt get around to write it. Tonight I decided to give it a go and write the first part of what I dont know wether to call "long story" or "short novel", I´ll leave that up to you to judge once I finish it.
I apologize in advance for any grammatical mistakes you may found, as most of you know, English is not my first languge, with nothing else, I leave you with the first part of my still untitled story:

Mr Brooks, a 91-year-old man, there was nothing special about his life. No wars, no crimes, no serious remorses...nothing wrong. In fact, his life was so normal you could even say it was scary, he studied Medicie, graduated, became a relatively successful doctor, got married with a woman not too ugly nor too beautiful, had children who werent either Einteins nor idiots, he got retired at the age of 60 and lived a comfortable life, with his sons and grandsons visiting him on a regular basis, his wife died of old age while sleeping and he eventually turned 91. A life so normal, so plain it was actually scary, however, what was about to happen was anything but normal.

One Sunday, after returning from church, he entered his home. The door was unlocked, the lights were on and the fridge was open. "Brandon?" he asked, naming one of his sons at random....no response. Mr Brooks felt some saliva going down his throat, he was not scared, after all, at his age, there was not a lot really important, but he was certainly worried, who could enter his house? Only he had keys to his house, and the amount of locks, both classic and high security would easily discourage any thief. He sighed "I must have left the door unlocked...yes...that must be it" he whispered to himself. Going to his couch to watch TV, however, he found something science and logic could simply not explain: there was a man sitting on his couch, and, although this fact wasnt scary, the image of the man was, as the man he saw on his couch...was himself
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Elfar
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PostSubject: Re: Taking a break from fanfictions   Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:34 pm

The idea behind it is very interesting, little as you may have written thus far. Continue to write it, as I would enjoy seeing how it develops.

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Gir

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PostSubject: Re: Taking a break from fanfictions   Tue Jun 15, 2010 11:12 am

For anyone who actually bothers reading the second part, the story will be heavily based on dialogues, actions will be secondary, and there will be no more character, the sole idea is for a man to have a conversation with himself, both existing physically, and both being 100% real


Now, reader, please dont beleive Mr Brooks was insane or anything like that, he was entirely sane, and the constant visits from his children and grandchildren made hallucinations by loneliness impossible.
"Who are you?" asked our old man gulping
"You" replied calmly the character to which, for the convinience of the story, we´ll call simply "Mr Bricks".
"Me?" asked again Mr Brooks, stating what at that point was probably obvious "What do you mean by you being me?".
"Exactly that...Im you, you are me...it is not that hard to understand, is it?".
"Well...to be honest, it really is, but Im guessing you...we..actually care"
"You are right in that too". A rather uncomfortable silence followed the short conversation, with Mr Brooks trying to explain himself what was going on, taking just a short period of time for him to realize it was useless..there was no explanation for what was going on.
"Wait, if you are me" said Mr Brooks, breaking the silence "Then you must know the same things as me, right?"
"Naturally" replied Mr Bricks drinking a bit of cofee
"The prove it! Prove you really....."
"Your full name is Daniel Brooks, your father shared your name and your mother was Claire Straun...you were an only child, who constantly got sick, and thus decided to become a doctor. You were an average student with average grades, you married a woman quite similar to your mother in both, looks and personality and had 3 children, 2 boys and a girl. They guys became lawyers and the girl became a vet, you wife passed away 4 years ago from natural causes. You visit her tomb twice a week exactly at 9:30 AM and stay there for exactly 30 minutes, your favorite hobby is readin and right now you have $252,354.50 in your bank account...am I missing anything?" Interrupted Mr Bricks
"You could easily find that by stalking me"
"Indeed" replied Mr Bricks again calmly
"You dont actually expect me to beleive, after 91 years of life, to beleive that right now Im having a conversation with myself, do you?"
"Everyone has conversations with themselves" replied Mr Brick leaving him cofee aside "The only difference is that, right now, both of us exist physically, I am nothing more than another voice of you, but I took a physical form, thats it...besides, Id hardly call those 91 years "life""
Well...at least that was some sort of logical explanation, or as logical as it could be at that moment. "And then...what do you beleive those 91 years I´ve spent here are?"
"Nothing but existing...you havent lived for 91 years, you have EXISTED for 91 years"
"What is the difference?"
"Life can only be called that way when you actually feel you´ve made a difference for someone, you havent lived until your very existance has changed someone, for better or for worse...otherwise, you just have existed"
"And that comes from you?"
"And from you too...remember, Im just another voice inside you, what you dont know, neither do I, and what you dont beleive, neither do I...Im just yourself expresing what you beleive but dont actually express"
"Umm hmm" said Mr Brooks thinking about it. "But...if I havent actually lived so far...how am I supposed to live the time I have left on Earth?"
"Thats a question I cant answer"
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dragonmxz

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PostSubject: Re: Taking a break from fanfictions   Thu Jun 17, 2010 10:49 pm

Great story, seems simalr to Eoin Colfers book The Wish List, (look it up on wikipedia) but enjoyable none the less for me so far.
A little advice, when you write a long stream of dialouge like that, try writing it in this format instead.

"Who are you?" asked our old man gulping

"You" replied calmly the character to which, for the convinience of the story, we´ll call simply "Mr Bricks".

"Me?" asked again Mr Brooks, stating what at that point was probably obvious "What do you mean by you being me?".

"Exactly that...Im you, you are me...it is not that hard to understand, is it?".

"Well...to be honest, it really is, but Im guessing you...we..actually care"

It makes it easier to read IMO. Hope you write more soon!
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Darkhunter101

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PostSubject: Re: Taking a break from fanfictions   Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:38 am

Thank God, someone finally decided to write something that isn't Pokémon. =/
Great so far, keep it up. ^.^
Can't wait to read more! Smile
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