Tales of Serenity L Looooooooosers ~ (fanfic K? <3)

~***Tales of Serenity Loooooosers***~

Disclaimer! Reason for this? I'm a very bored, lazy person. Well, maybe not "lazy" because I'm typing this, but eh. Tried my best to make this funny, so If you like this, feel free to leave your biased comments. <3 (Hahahahaha, this sounds sooooo formal! ^_^)

No animals, insects, or anything pokemon -related were harmed in making of this fanfic. Except Delibirds.
The sign says no dogs.

Few things to keep in mind:

YES, Some of these are internet references.
NO, I do not like salsa. Except on Nachoes.
YES AGAIN, I update this fanfic frequently.
YES, This is a pokemon fanfic. I'll do others when I'm not so lazy.
AGAIN, YES, I TALK IN CAPS ALOT, AND AM A HORRIBLE STORY TELLER.

Sue me.

Anyways, you guys want the table of contents right?


~ Prolouge
~ Chapter One: Today's Noodle Soup: Success = A bottle of Venonat
~ Chapter Two: Shino, the air-headed mattress. Not mistress, mattress.
~ Chapter Three: NOTICE! FIRST MATCH NOTICE! YELLING IS A CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER.

Prologue:

"Are you sure that's a Wailord? That looks like the size of a Groudon." It was a question from a girl named Dahlia, alongside her was her partner, was a friend she could always count on, her partner, Nano the Venonat. No run-ons intended. Nano looked at Dahlia with such annoyance.

"Sorry, I forgot I wasn't supposed to question your sensors anymore..." Dahlia said, rubbing her head.

Dahlia was an average 18 year old pokemon trainer, with her first pokemon, Venonat, named Nano because it reminded her of Nanobots for no reason. Probably from watching too much Medabots. She lives in a City called Mysta City, a city of Lemonade, and home of the art of forging weapons, alongside training pokemon.

Right now, she was in a building that was swarmed with other kids around her age, or maybe less, in the opening ceremony for the upcoming Pokemon Honours tournament. It was hosted once a year to see who would gain the title "Trainer of the Winds". However to Dahlia, it was more like: "The best trainer we can think of."

Now, instead of a Wailord or Groudon or anything that Dahlia or Nano was pondering, it was actually...a really fat guy. Seriously, he was fat, they wondered. Anyway, that "fat" man along with a few others, including a man with a cheesy mustache, and a seemingly emotionless woman, was addressing the novice trainers.

"My fellow trainers," the woman began. "As you know, its the start of the famous, most honors tournament ever since galactic funk-jam dance party 8...." Oh yeah, the the woman was obsessed with anything "funky jam-danced packed". "The Honors tournament!"

Dahlia began to feel nervous. This was the first time in her life that she ever did something important.

The cheesy mustached man stepped in. "I'll be brief," he began. "No one in this room have the brains nor the skill to compete in a tournament at this caliber."

"Then why are we here?!" a boy from the crowed shouted, fueled with rage. "If we're not good enough to compete, then this was a giant waste of time! Delibird would be ashamed!!" "Hey, shut up!" a boy shouted back to him, equally enraged. "Stantler would be more ashamed!!" "HOW DARE YOU!" the first boy replied. "STANTLER SUCKS, AND SO DO YOU!"

Then....more started to shout. "HEY, ARE YOU HUNGRY FROM SHOUTING?! HOW ABOUT I COME OVER THERE AND GIVE YOU A KNUCKLE SANDWICH?!" "HEY, HOW ABOUT I GIVE YOU BOTH A CHEESE KNEE! TO THE FACE!" "ALL OF YOU SHUT UP AND GIVE ME AN ORANGE!"

Finally, the "fat" man cleared his throat, silencing the novices. "Remember thy words," he began, breathing like mad.


"You can win if you remember those words-----wait, donut's are awesome?" the woman cleared up. "Of course. Nothing is better than donuts," the "fat" man replied. "This tournament will be a 3 verses 3 match. If all pokemon from one's side cannot be able to battle, the other wins."

"I still say oranges are more awesome.." a boy said from the audience. Dahlia's stomach began to growl. Even if she ate 10 minutes before, if you mention any sort of food to her, she'd be hungry again. Or probably, this was nervousness from this tournament. "I sure feel like hitting him like a pinata...." Dahlia said, still making fun of the "fat" man, while she was hungry.

"Trainers! May the winds of victory blow on your side as we ran out of wind philosophy! You are all dismissed!"

Dahlia looked at her Venonat, smiling with determination. 'We can do this Nano," she began. "Just remember what dad told us for advice: Train, have fun, and lick door knobs. Hm, I wonder if I can add salt to that..."

Boy. Was Nano the Venonat cheesed that it didn't have a tongue.

Chapter One: Today's Noodle Soup: Success = A bottle of Venonat:

"M-Metabee, seeker missile..."

It was the morning after the opening ceremony, and Dahlia knew that she had to train. Eventually. However, while everyone was wide awake, she was still fast asleep on her bed. Of course, she's dreaming of medabots. There was a faint knock on her door.

"Dahlia? Dahlia?" It was her mother, Hiarme Yukozo. She had a habit on saying things twice. "Are you alive? Throw something if your are. ...If you are." Dahlia then started to throw her old teddy bear, along with her already-broken alarm clock, slamming onto the door.

"GO AWAY!" she yelled, still trying to get some pointless sleep. Eventually though, she managed to get up. Her mother knew this from the "bump" from her room. Probably from Dahlia just rolling out of bed. "Works every time...every time." her mother said proudly.

"Dahlia went to the bathroom, brushing her long, blond hair, wand wearing her white dress shirt, along with a red skirt and red tie. Her Venonat was waiting for her on the stairs. "Good Morning to you too!" Dahlia said, although Nano hasn't said a peep, but just made an awkward expression. When Dahlia went downstairs, her mother was just making making her breakfast.

"Morning sleepy head, morning," her mother greeted. "Big competition players need big breakfast for their big bellies. Big." "...Are you trying to tell me I'm fat?" Dahlia asked, still half-asleep.

"You could ease up on the bacon, ease up a bit," her mother teased. "Since I bet Grumpigs don't like you right now. Don't like you, that is." Dahlia yawned. "Oh balh, blah, blah," Dahlia sassed. "I'm rubber your glue. Whatever you say bounces off me, and sticks to you. That's what you get for making me wash dishes in my list of chores today."

Her mother chuckled as she put down her spatula. "You know Dahlia, you could add (training) to your list of chores to do today, training, that is," her mother explained. "Otherwise, you won't get far in the tournament. Far that is."

"Too lazy," Dahlia blunted. "Plus, Venonat sucks. I NEED a Dragonite." Boy, Venonat was ticked off. "Then why did you choose to catch one? Why?" her mother asked, blinking her eyes. "BECAUSE I WAS...WAS...IDIOT," Dahlia replied, with Nano looking down.

"But since your stuck with it, why not cherish it, and use it in that little competition your in? Cherish and use it?" her mother suggested. Dahlia finished your breakfast and rolled her eyes.

"Can't I just godmodd everything? I mean, I dreamed of having powers, so it might as well be godmodding. And explosions. I love explosions." "You can't honey. First, there is no such power, and I can't fathom how its earthly possible unless your a magikarp. Also, remember, they are not afraid of swinging the ban hammer on you. Remember, ban hammer, magikarp."

"Whatever, I've got 5 minutes to kill anyway," Dahlia proclaimed, rolling her eyes again. "Lets go Nano!" I bet then, Nano strutted like a pimp.

It was a clear, sunny day in the city of Mysta, where the bread was baking, aipoms were robbing apples, and telemarketers were bothering people. From Dahlia's house, she could see her workshop where she crafted a variety of weapons, including swords, and lances. Dahlia was distraught though; the city was big, so it was going to take a while to find a permitted training spot.

Fortunately for her, she saw a familiar face walking towards her house. It was her master, Master Orcca. A guy that has a really bad accent, and is smitten with Dahlia's mother. Even though she is married. Dahlia greeted him by saying:

"Do I know you?" "Dahlia! How can ye forget yer master Orcca?!" Orcca replied, straighting his belt-buckle. "Oh good morning Master!" Dahlia laughed. "....Am I REALLY that minor of a character?!" Orcca said, feeling down. "Apparently you are, otherwise, I would of known you," Dahlia chuckled. "Where are you going anyway?"

"I'm here to visit yer mother," Orcca said, smiling. "And ask her out for a date. " Dahlia looked down on her Venonat, trying to picture if her Venonat was imaginging the same thing. Her master and her mother. Gross. Listen, before you read on this chapter, I suggest you be sure to take five to throw up.

"...You realize my mother is MARRIED right?" Dahlia said, with her arms crossed. "Please, yer father has been gone for ten years!" Orcca explained. This was true. Dahlia's father was said to be gone after Dahlia's 8th birthday to eat in an "all you can eat" restaurant. Another said that her father was just in a clown job.

"But she's still married," Dahlia replied, her arms still crossed. "I love yer mom more than that bastard ever could!" Orcca explained. "I love you mom, because her way of speaking is charming!" "You just want my mom because she's cute. Not that I'm in love with my mother anyway..."

"No!" Orcca yelled, his fist clenching, while sweating. "Okay, yes. What do you want, milk n' cookies?!" "That would be nice! Make them chocolate chip please!" Dahlia became hungry again. Told ya she would be.

"Where are YOU going?" Orcca asked. "I...forgot," Dahlia said rubbing her head. Venonat sighed. "Oh right! I was supposed to train for the....honors thingy!" "The honors competition?" Orcca said, rubbing his cheesy beard. "Look ,I'll be blunt. You do not have the skill nor the brains to win a tournament at that cal---"

"I already heard that," Dahlia interrupted. "There was a huge fight." "Dun worry though!" Orcca said. "I'll train ya so you can win the whole thing!"

"Okay...how is your cheesy beard going to do that?" Dahlia asked, blinking her eyes. "I though your beard was only good for weapons, not pokemon." There was a sharp twinkle in Orcca's eyes. "In my day, I used to be a grand master of pokemon," Orcca said, holding out his pokeball. "Lets have ourselves a training battle!"

"W-why?!" Dahlia said, her stomach growling. "Because if you win, I'll feed ya till your gut burst!" "That's not nice!" Dahlia yelled.

"Oh, wait... your talking about feeding me with food right? Okay! Lets battle then, and I'll whoop ya master!" Venonat had a bad feeling. Maybe Dahlia will call out: "USE PIZZA GUN!"

It was in a middle of a plain field near the workshop, where on one side, Orcca released his trusty, rusty Beldum, while Dahlia just stuck it out with Nano the Venonat.

"You make the first move," Orcca called out. "And remember, no hickeys!"

"Use Poison Powder Nano!" With a stream of purple dust from Nano's antenna, the dust powered down towards Orcca's beldum. However, Orcca didn't issue a command to doge, as Beldum just floated there, not bothered at all.

'Wait! Did you just acquire god-mod powers?!" Izuna questioned, shocked that her poison trick failed. Orcca laughed. "Don't you know? Steel pokemon are immune to Poison attacks!" he blunted, with a cocky smile. "My turn. Beldum, TAKE DOWN!"

As the command issued, Beldum rushed with his electromagnetism, right towards Nano with his take down move. Fortunately, Dahlia remembered to tell Nano to dodge. "Ha, that's nothing!" Dahlia said as Nano succeeded to dodge.

Orcca grinned. "Use Take down again!" Dahlia was surprised. Due to that, the move succeeded this time, and manage hit Nano from behind, as the grass sweayed from Beldum's incredible speed. Unfortunately for Orcca, the beldum had recoil from that powerful attack."Wha? Take down again?" "Yes, my beldum is only capable on performing Take down; in other words, an emo move right now," Orcca replied.

" I bet its also not safe from Psychic moves! Nano, use Psychic!" Nano's radar eyes began to glow a light blue, as it began to take a hold of Beldum using Psychic energy. "Alright, send it flying!" Venonat managed to throw Orcca's Beldum straight onto the groung, shaking the ground a little, due to the force of the impact.

"Not bad," Orcca grinned. "What else do you got?" "My most powerful move!!" Dahlia said, getting pumped. "Nano! CHARGE UP YOUR PIZZA LAZER!" *Sigh* Exactly as Nano pictured it. "Dahlia," Orcca said, "You can't just make up a move. You have to know what moves yer pokemon actually KNOWS." "No pizza gun...?" Dahlia said, almost crying. "No, but you'll get a kick *** TAKE DOWN!"

Beldum got back up from the ground, with more speed, and more force than ever, it crashes into Nano, even before Dahlia told it to dodge. Nano fainted on impact, with a smoke from the crash. Which in other words, no buffet for Dahlia. Orcca put back Beldum back into its pokeball.

Dahlia knelled down to the defeated Nano. "...Sorry Nano..." she whispered to it. "Its all my fault. I should of told you to use Root Beer attack."

Chapter Two: Shino, the air-headed mattress. Not mistress, mattress.

Dahlia was just finished cleaning the wounds of her Venonat, form that devastating battle from Master Orcca's Beldum, in her workshop. Her workshop was kind of like a second home to her, or maybe some place that she can mooch off from her master to eat there.

'All clean Nano," Dahlia said, putting her Super Potion away. Venonat chirped in happiness, then looked at Dahlia, disappointed. "Yes, I KNOW you can't magically make food appear," Dahlia replied. "If you did, I would of made a lot of money off you. But I'd blow it off in one day because I'd be stuffing my face."

"Venoooo!" "Give to the poor? Please, what have poor done for me? NOTHING! That's what." "Venno! Vennoonat!" "Yeah, yeah, I'd probably have bad karma, but see, karma owes me." "Veno!" "How? Okay, I like a challenge." Dahlia stopped to think.
"...."
"...."
"Okay, believe it or not....I'm...SANTA CLAUS! See? I, Santa Claus has loads of good karma, which negates the bad karma." "Venno!" "Oh, yeah...Santa Claus is male and a fatty, I forgot." "Veno." "What you you mean I got the fat part right?!" "There ya are!"

Someone entered Dahlia's room. It was Master Orcca, not very sophisticated as ever. Dahlia got mad. "MASTER! YOU CAN'T GET BARGE IN MY ROOM!" Dahlia yelled. "WHAT IF I WAS CHANGING?!" "Quit yer yappin!" Orcca replied. "I got a job for ya."

"What is it?" Dahlia asked, calming down. "I want ya to get more iron for our weapons!" Orcca instructed. "While yer at it, go by some Carbos fro your Venonat there!" "Why?" "It makes any pokemon faster! Use it for the tournament!" "Master, that's against the rules! Its like...Steroids!" And Dahlia said she wanted to godmodd.

Orcca chuckled. "This is a serious tournament!" said Orcca, more serious than ever. "You want to win? You've got to stop playin' by the rules!" "Just one..." Dahlia said, getting up. "Here's the money for them." Orcca handed her the money, as Dahlia went off with Nano following behind.

Dahlia and Nano, after a few minutes, arrived at the near by shop. It wasn't ver big; a handful of people almost filled up the entire store. Dahlia approached the shop keeper.

"Hellloooo!" the keeper greeted. "Bonjouuuuuuuur! Insert 5 other languages here! How may I help you?" "Iron, please." "There you go! Anything else?" "Oh, and um, Carbos please." "The keeper smiled. "Your lucky!" he said. "This is the last one." He handed the bottle to Dahlia as she paid for everything using Orcca's money. Then, trying to copy Apu from the Simpson's voice: "Thank you, come again."

As Dahlia turned around, *CRUNCH*. Wait, no, not *CRUNCH*, I'm just eating potato chips. Really, as Dahlia turned around, 'KABOOOOM'. Wait...that's too dramatic....Ah screw this; she just bumped into another person with a funny sound I am unable to comprehend.

It was a girl who wore everything that looked like from the 70s. Including the green glasses, and belbottoms. Dahlia wanted to apologize for bumping into her. "I very very, sor--" However, before Dahlia was able to finish her sentence... "Carbos please!" the girl asked the shopkeeper. "Sorry! Just sold out to that girl over there." The girl wiith the hippie clothing turned around and stared at Dahlia. "I see...." she said, still staring.

Dahlia felt nervous. "I'm...sorry?" The girl crossed her arms. "Alright, hand it over," she said. Dahlia looked puzzled. As usual. "Hand...what over?" she replied. "The last bottle of Carbos," the girl replied. "I'll give you the money I'm holding." "Wh-What if its like a handful of pennies?!" "I swear, its not, look. Now hand it over!"

"No way! I'm too lazy to go back to the store for another.....2 years!" The girl grinned. "Alright then, lets settle this the old fashioned way, for the bottle."

"Samurai Swords to the death?!"
"No."
"Star Wars Lightsabers to the Death?!"
"No."
"...Cookie eating to the death?"

"...Wha? I'm talking about a pokemon battle, genius!" "To the death?" "NO!" "You know, we don't HAVE to solve our problems with the friendly violence of pokemon." "So?" "Good Point! I'm in!" Nano sighed.

It was almost right outside Mysta's City shop where the battle was about to begin. "He's my pokemon!" the girl called, holding a pokeball. She released her apparent partner, a bright green spinarak. "A spinarak huh? Hm, Nano's too tired to battle I bet...soooooooooooo go Psyduck!"

Dahlia released her second pokemon in hand, a bright yellow Psyduck. No nickname this time. The battle began. "Spinarak, use Poison sting!" The Spinarak began its array of bright purple stingers flying right towards Psyduck.

"Psyduck, bring them back with confusion!" Like planned, the poison stings were magically brung right back to spinarak, thanks to Psyduck's confusion. "Not bad," the girl said, impressed. "Spinarak, protect!" Spinarak managed to bring a green barrier to shield it self from Psyduck's counter attack.

Dahlia was surprised. "....Don't tell me you can god-mod too," Dahlia said, surprised. "Wow, someone had their bowl of smart today," the girl sarcastically replied. "...I only had bacon today," Dahlia replied. "Your an idiot," the girl retorted. "Spinarak, String Shot!" "Come on now; Confusion brings it right back!"

Psyduck attempted another confusion, however, it did not work this time. The thread from spinarak managed to entangle the Psyduck effectively. "Okay, now I KNOW you god-mod," Dahlia said, annoyed. "Why didn't it work?!" "Don't you know? String Shot is a defensive attack, so no attack of yours won't be reflecting it anytime soon!" the girl made a cocky smile. "Time to wrap this up! Spinarak, Poison Jab!"

"Were not beat yet! Come on Psyduck, break free and use Focus Punch!" Due to the power of Dahlia's encouragement, Psyduck by some miracle had the power to break free, and conduct its move. The two moves: Poison Jab, and Focus Punch went head to head, in a star down contest on see which move would be the more powerful. The two moves collided, in a spontaneous explosion.

Dahlia and the girl grew silent, and a sweat drop slowly went down each of their cheeks as they couldn't see anything through the thick smoke. When the smoke cleared, Dahlia and the girl saw Psyduck and Spinarak, barley standing, which became a stare down contest.

Eventually.....they both collapsed. It was a draw. "Return Psyduck!" Dahlia said, returning the beaten Psyduck. "You too, Spinarak," the girl said, soing the same with her Spinarak.

Dahlia and the girl stared at each other. Eventually, they both laughed. "Are we...heh heh...laughing about the same thing?" the girl asked. "We'll, hehe...I'm laughing about dead puppies! What are you laughing about?" "Um, the fact that the battle was good draw interest to you?" "That too!"

Dahlia approached the girl. "You know, we should be friends," she told her. "Why?" the girl asked. "Because I want someone to mooch off of,' Dahlia replied. "I'm...Shino." the girl introduced. "And I'm Dahlia!" Dahlia replied.

"I was hoping to get some carbohydrates for my pokemon for the tournament..." Shino said. "Oh well. You can have it." "Wait, so you were at the opening ceremony? 'Dahlia asked. "Hey, did you see that fat guy?" "Yes..." Shino replied. "Its not nice to insult someone, Dahlia."

"But making people feel bad is fun!" Dahlia complained. "You must have a lot of bad karma," Shino pointed. "But you see, karma owes me," Dahlia explained."HOw?" Shino asked.

"Oh boy not this again..." Dahlia mummered. "You see, I'm Santa Claus, and---"

Chapter Three: NOTICE! FIRST MATCH NOTICE! YELLING IS A CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER.

The workshop reflective metal gleamed and shone from the bright sunlight that day break. From a distance, you could even hear the shouting and ramblings of the young lady with the drunken imagination.

"I finally did it! SCREW SANTA CLAUS!!" Dahlia was jumping up and down with joy in front of her Venonat. "Vennno?" "What you may, and already did ask?" Dahlia said with a smile. "With hours and hours of pointless reading of random books and advanced chemical formulas, I, Dahlia, have finally....TURNED INVISIBLE!" ...Nano was not surprised. If you've met someone who you think there is no one more stupid than them...meet Dahlia. "Vennnnoooo!" Nano pointed out. "Wha? I'm visible?" Dahlia said surprised. "Are you sure?" "Vennnooo!" "YOU LIE!" "Venooo!"

"Gah, so much for the imaginary potion I just made up..." Dahlia said, sighing. Then, there was a knock on the door. Dahlia wn to answer it. It was a man dressed in officials clothing. You know, what officials wear. I'm too lazy to describe it, so just use your imagination.

"Knock, knock, knock!" he said. "I've got a tournament match notice letter for someone named Dahlia?" "Yes, that's me," Dahlia said, grabbing the letter he was holding. "Wait...are you SURE this isn't inspector gadget's? The one that blows up in 5 sec---"

*KABOOM!!* Hah, just kidding. Really, it wasn't a bomb. "Don't worry," the official said. "Just open it, it will show your opponent of your match in the tournament starting in a few hours. Farewell!" The official went straight through the door, and out of Dahlia's room. Dahlia inspected the letter more.

"I might as well open--" "Dahlia!" Master Orcca then barged in the room. Dahlia once again was angry. "MASTER! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT ENTERING WITHOUT KNOCKING!" Dahlia yelled. "WHAT IF I WAS CHANGING AGAIN?!" "You also told me to SHUT YER YAP!" Orcca demanded. "I noticed the gentlemen gave you yer match notice. Did ya open it?"

"No! Opening a letter takes time and skill!" Dahlia explained. "Observe!"

NOTE: the following is Dahlia trying to conduct the Legend of Zelda treasure finding theme. There are 12 "dadadas" and the theme gets faster. What a way to open a piece of paper right?

"Dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada dadadada..... DADADADAAAAAA! I found....that my opponent is someone named Kandis!!"

" Kandis eh?" Master Orcca said, rubbing his beard. "He's a notice, so you'll be fine. Now, he's a little..." "Little what?" Dahlia asked.

"Chicken Little?"
"No."
"Three Little Ducklings?"
"No."
"....Little Miss Sunshine?"

"No! You'll figure it out," Master Orcca said, starting to head out the door. "Good Luck to ya. Since ya sure need it." Dahlia turned back to Nano. She became a little nervous. "Too bad," Dahlia said. "I would of asked Chicken Little for his autograph."

Meanwhile, 1000 miles away....I'm kidding.

A few feet from the workshop, if you recognize her, you would see Shino, just training before her match started, which was just after Dahlia's match. "...Alright Spinarak," she said. "If we want to beat Dahlia, and the other people at the tournament, were going to have to do our best. Now practice your---"

"*LOL* You *N00blet!*" "Huh?" Shino was interrupted by a strange boy wearing sunglasses, a cap, a green shirt and yellow vest, with black jeans. Boy was he weird. "You n00b should just give up right nowz! *ROFL!*" he taunted. "And you are...?" Shino asked.

"*ROFL* You n00b," he replied. "Don't you know teh next king of teh tournament the pwnage Kandis? *ROFL!*" 'I guess not..." Shino replied. " "Sorry to disappoint you though. However, it is me that going to walk away with the win." "*RFMLAO*!! Once I wonz a n00blet named Dahlia, I'll pwn you to da next moon!"

"Dahlia...." Shino worried. "Hah, laterz, n00blet! *ROFL!!*" Kandis walked away as SHino was still wondering about Dahlia. "You better not lose Dahlia. I want to be the one who beats you in the finals."

Meanwhile 1000 miles away...kidding again. I just love saying that.

"Huh?" Dahlia pondered. "What is it Dahlia?" Orcca asked. "I think...I think my spider senses are tingling..." Dahlia replied. "Ya don't have spider senses!" Orcca stated.
"Yer too dum!" "I could of sworn...never mind! I need to prepare now. Master, please get out of my room now."

"Yeah, that's what she sai--" "GET OUT!"